Grown Up Christmas List

Growing up, I was that child who always loved Christmas.  Thanksgiving will always be my favorite holiday but Christmas is a close second.  I love the decorations, the music, and gathering with my family to celebrate this special time of year.  I would sneak down every morning before everyone else was up in my house and see what Santa brought.  I was literally too excited to sleep (maybe one day I'll grow out of that but let's be real- probs not) because I couldn't wait for the magic of Christmas morning.  As I grew older Santa got smarter and started wrapping the presents so I couldn't sneak downstairs to peak.  I loved watching people open presents I got excited shopping for.  As the years pass and I don't live 7 minutes away anymore, the answer to the question, "What do you want for Christmas?" has become really easy.  I want time with my family and friends.  I feel as though my time is limited whenever I'm home and I want to make the most of every second.

At my spin studio, we started a 25 days of Christmas challenge where my incredible boss emails us a daily challenge of something extra to do for the holidays.  A few days ago our daily challenge was an email with this link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86qAkvaCgso) about giving presence. I love this video.  Too many times I've sat at a table with family or friends and everyone has their phone out.  Of course there's a time and place for that but enjoying the people around you is even better.  While I know our phones are vital for communication, my favorite memories are the ones where I don't have my phone out for anything but taking pictures.  While this entire post is not directly fitness related, it's extremely health related.  This past week I've had the opportunity to help take care of my recovering grandfather.  He has always been an advocate for spending quality time with people and for taking care of his health.  Only 12 days after his operation and he can't wait to get back to the gym to sweat it out.  I am so incredibly grateful that he has taken such good care of himself physically throughout the years.  It has been incredibly important to his speedy recovery.  I can't wait to play golf with him again.

Here's to your happy holidays! I hope that you take the challenge to #givepresence.

"Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all."

I grew up excessively watching movies over and over again.  I was that kid who could watch the same movie literally every day (for at least 2-3 months) and never get sick of it.  It all began with Beauty and the Beast.  I can still quote lines and songs from it without dropping a beat.  Other favorites throughout the years were The Parent Trap and Princess Diaries.  The last one I excessively watched (besides Harry Potter because that has it's own category) was Pride and Prejudice.  Younger me would love to put these quotes into AIM away messages (oh way back in the day) and see who could get my references.  I always loved when one of my favorite characters accurately spoke the words I never could.

Fear can consume you.  It can limit you to not do the amazing things you are more than capable of.  Courage is fear's worst nightmare.  Courage is knowing that something else is more important than that thing that scares you.  I was raised to be courageous in all that I do and yet some fears still exist. My mom has always said fear means that you care about something.  Fear is a scary word.  That being said, 13.1 miles scares the living day lights out of me.

I don't like living in fear.  I like living with the thrill of the possibilities of what's yet to come.  I mean some fears I simply avoid at all costs and run from, but who doesn't? When I first outlined my training schedule that put that big scary 13.1 miles into perspective.  Breaking down a fear into small reasonable goals is how I find myself solving problems.  Big scary terrifying impossible take home exam of this semester for example? Broke that baby down into sections and puzzle pieces that somewhat came together (my brain is exhausted).  Big scary situation where I was moving somewhere I didn't know anyone almost a year and a half ago? Broke that down by taking it day by day.  Big scary fear of snakes? Yeah that one's not going anywhere.  I used to live completely in the future and I'm beyond thankful now that I usually I can't see past the end of the week. While I know can plan for something months in advance I prefer to look at the world with the challenges directly in front of me so I can tackle them.  Breaking down that scary and terrifying 13.1 miles into a reasonable training plan helped make it not seem scary and seem conquerable.  After all I know I'm not the first and most certainly not the last crazy person to run 13.1 miles straight.

While I had my training in place, the hectic crazy schedule of finals week and the Thanksgiving holidays knocked my usual training routine.  My cross training changed along with my eating habits. While I enjoy eating as clean as possible, I've eaten out more in the past 2 weeks than I think I did the entire semester.  That combined with the stress and sticky situations that kept piling up over the past week, my training suffered.  I tried to put mind over matter and block it out, but unfortunately all it resulted in was 2 weeks of awful runs and a growing fear of that 13.1 miles.  The good news is my race is still about 6 weeks away and I spoiled myself with a little late birthday present (hello Garmin Forerunner 220 I've been eyeing since before I was ever really a runner!) to help give me a little extra motivation.  I'm beyond ready to put the bad behind and focus on the task in front of me and take it week by week to show that 13.1 miles whose in charge!

Ready-Set-Focus

As I start my 25th finals week (why yes, I've been in school a really long time), focus is the most common word out of my mouth.  It's during this grueling week where I always end up talking to myself and giving myself that self loving nudge to focus. Everytime I get distracted I literally stop and say, "Focus."  Putting my game face on is always a challenge as I eagerly await what's coming next.

While I'm trying to focus on my exam material, I check how my fantasy teams are doing (Decker- I really needed you to pull through this week), I do some Facebook stalking, I avoid doing my laundry, I research new vacation spots, I decorate my Christmas tree, I make lists of all the things I can't wait to do once I'm not studying, and eventually buckle down and get to work.  It's a pattern I've fallen into and I know the stages pretty well.  My study week also has stages that involve the initial "I've got this attitude" that progresses into the stress/mental breakdown/crying/questioning my life choices/"I can't do this" and then moves into the "Let's eat everything in sight" stage before the final stage of "Let's just get in there and knock it out".  This week is different because I've managed to skip the second step.  My focus is not quite in the final stage and I was already eating everything in sight.

My finals week phases remind me of my training phases along this fitness journey.  While some programs have pushed me more than others, I know each one has really helped me step up to the plate and push myself just a little bit further.  Since I've been focusing on increasing my distance and improving my time (even though my main goal for this half is just to finish it- competitive me disagrees and wants an impressive time) I've been popping in old workout routines for cross training.  I always love a good "Back and Bis" or "Shoulders and Arms" from P90X.  As I up my weight and reps (each time making me feel extremely accomplished) I constantly stop and think how much stronger I am now then I was a year ago.  The Emily from a year ago could not lift the amount of weight I can now.  The Emily from a year ago could not hold a plank for 10 minutes.  The Emily from a year ago would not ever have thought she could run a half marathon.  While I've come so far since I started, I get so excited about all of the things I want to do.  After my half I am especially excited to see what Shaun T cooked up with Insanity Max 30.  I keep planning all of these exciting next steps when I really need to stop and focus on the task at hand.   I've gotten to the point where I truly enjoy my runs because they allow me to dial in a focus on breathing.  They allow me to stay centered on the task at hand.

Here's to focusing on one thing at a time!

I'm looking at the man in the mirror

Body image.

Two words that can cause a universal cringe.

I'm too skinny.

I'm too fat.

My thighs are huge.

I just want to lose 3 pounds.

I hate my arm jiggle.

I would be so much happier if I looked like....

If I had a penny for every time I heard those words (and have occasionally said them- I'll admit) I wouldn't need to be doing this whole grad school thing.  As women especially we are constantly programmed to think about how we think our bodies are supposed to look instead of how they actually look.  The media has constantly shifted from describing that "perfect women" as super model thin but still has her curves and has muscles to boot.  The brain washing from society starts the second they pick up that Barbie with the most outrageous proportions known to man.  That "perfect women" has given all women something to think that they have to look like.  Luckily my growing up was surrounded by real women with realistic proportions.

Am I saying we shouldn't strive for what we want our bodies to look like? Of course not! You have the chance and the capability to make anything happen as long as you put in the hard work. Throughout my journey to a healthier lifestyle I've struggled with the image of what my body should look like.  Looking back on pictures from just a year ago I can't believe that's what I used to look like.  I started off this journey wanting to be a certain weight and assuming that my body would look exactly how I wanted it at this point.  At this point, I've stopped stepping on the scale.  I'm fueling my body with healthy foods that power me through whatever workout I have planned.  I don't feel horrible about an occasional treat (I mean dark chocolate Reese's call my name...).  Those huge thighs I'm still not crazy about? They help me run my distance goals every week even when I don't think I can make it.  They give me the energy to put all the resistance on that final hill of every spin class.  They power me through so much more than I could have ever imagined.

Whenever I first started exercising I had my go to machines at the gym.  A cold and sleety day today brought my run into my school's gym (trying so hard to love the treadmill since I'm a genius and the bulk of my half training is during the winter...) and I decided to rock some machines after my run.  Back in 2011 (really feels like yesterday) my thunder thighs could barely push and pull 20-30 pounds together on the hip adductor and hip abductor.  Today I did 70-80 like no one's business.  On the leg press I used to struggle with 90.  Today I shocked myself and pushed 175.  What's even more shocking is the fact that I used to weigh more than that.  The changes over the last year have been not only physical but mental.  I now crave a really good lift session.  I love the days where I put in Uncle Tony and have him push me just a little bit further.  When it comes to cardio I can be my own cheerleader, but I usually need a set routine with my weights.  I love when my muscles are sore and achy because then I know I earned it.  That soreness is a reminder of how far I've come and how capable I am of going further.  I love pushing myself just past that limit where I didn't even know I could do it.  I love when a new muscle starts to pop.  My friends are probably tired of me getting really excited when my biceps or abs start popping (sorry you're still getting pictures!).  Even though it's not where I want it, my body is able to physically do so much more than I could ever imagine.  This fitness journey to the best me will never be over and I'm still so in love with the process.

Am I perfect? Of course not! Do I still have goals about how I want my body to look? Naturally.    When it comes down to it only you can see the imperfections that exist.  I know I am my harshest critic and I always feel better if I cut myself some slack.  Do I feel stronger than ever? Absolutely.

Next time you're going hating on your body, think of all it can do and reward it with a bubble bath.  Your body works just as hard as you.  Take care of it.   Feed it the good stuff that gives you energy to face the next day that's full of endless possibilities.

You are strong and incredible, even if you don't know it yet!

Wait... It's almost November!?

It still amazes me how quickly life seems to pass by.  The two weeks of no running thankfully flew by and I've been able to pick up right where I left off.  As always school and life has been crazy but I'm officially over the zombie period that was mid terms and on to the next challenge.  Two weeks of not running when that's all I wanted to do was a challenge but giving my foot a break has definitely paid off.  It feels so good to be back to somewhat normal.  And for this grad student normal happened to be satisfying my inner Monica by thoroughly cleaning my apartment (Like move the couch away from the wall deep clean that just makes me feel human- I'm a tad OCD so my apartment is always clean and orderly but when I know there's no dust I get ridiculously excited).

I thought that stopping for two weeks was going to be miserable.  I mean for one I knew it meant I couldn't eat as much peanut butter as I wanted ;).  More importantly, I felt defeated that I was unable to do something that I was committed to because of an injury.  When it comes to my training I like my timelines with reasonable goals along the way.  I didn't know how I'd pick it back up again whenever I had just entered such a healthy relationship with running.  Relationship is a tricky word when it comes to running but the challenge of increasing my distances makes it a complicated relationship.  I always reach that point where I say "hey this actually feels good!" And later on there's the "I've gone far enough right?" The more I run the more I realize how it truly is a mental game.  The hardest part is convincing your mind that you can do it.  I love when my body takes over and I'm able to just let go and enjoy my runs in a way I've never been able to do.  My workouts have always been my escape from everything else going on in my life but my runs have become such a sweet escape.  I'm able to tune out all the commotion and just appreciate everything that is around me.  It's not about how quickly I run the mile anymore but how much I enjoy the process.  I cannot wait for my long run on Sunday.  Knowing I can devote all of my training to that run is a freeing feeling I wouldn't trade for the world.  My distance goal this week might be a stretch, but it's a challenge I can't wait to try!

I'm constantly amazed at all of the wonderful things that happen when I'm not looking.  Through this injury I was able to teach more spin classes and devote more time to the unbelievably crazy last 3 weeks of school.  The "resting" period also happened to be during a few weeks of yucky weather.  My inner running diva much prefers to run in the perfectness that is 65 degrees and breezy with sunshine.

I feel so lucky to live the crazy beautiful life I live.  I can't wait to see what else 2014 brings :)

"No running for at least two weeks"

I thought that would be the worst words that I've ever heard from a doctors mouth.  Surprisingly those  were the best words I have ever heard a doctor say on Tuesday afternoon.  A strange pain started on the outside of my right foot as I was doing my first Warrior Dash (that deserves it's own post) with a good friend of mine.  It didn't last long so I didn't think much of it.  When it came back on Sunday afternoon as I did part of the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk I didn't think much of it.  I really didn't give it a second thought until it came back with a vengeance on Sunday night.  It hurt to put pressure on it and I had no idea what I did.

Two weeks earlier I had started training solely for my half marathon in January.  I had reached my first distance goal and using the 80/20 rule was helping me with my endurance and become a better runner.  I remember feeling so excited that I had reached that distance goal a week early because I was ahead of schedule.  I knew I wasn't over training.  I've done it before so at this point I know the signs.  I was sleeping like a rock- when I can't sleep chances are I'm over training.  I knew I was staying super safe based on all of the research I had done regarding proper training.  All I knew was that something wasn't right and I wanted to get back to my normal.  

After an extensive google search (I mean we all do it whenever we feel something isn't right) I began to panic that I had fractured my foot.  It hurt in one particular spot and everything I read only freaked me out even more.  I knew I had to get it x-rayed and I was completely terrified at what they were going to say.  Luckily the Sports Medicine doctor at the student health center saw me right away and proceeded to ask me for my history and training schedule prior to the accident.  As I explained my training techniques and schedule with the doctor I felt like an athlete for the first time.  It was then that the doctor and her student lifted an enormous weight of dread that had me thinking I had a fracture and told me that all I did was pull a muscle.  Apparently as I slid through a mud pit (that's part of the warrior dash and strangely rejuvenating) the extra weight of the mud coupled with the old shoes I wore caused my foot to have to work harder than it's used to and I strained it.  Hearing the doctor tell me that I couldn't run for about two weeks but I could still spin and lift lifted that weight of dread and replaced it with relief.  Knowing that while this derails my training by a few weeks I know that I'll still get there and I'm eager to come back stronger than ever!

Adding in more spinning and lifting heavier for the past few days has been an adjustment but it's also been incredibly rewarding.  I've gotten the chance to teach an extra class or two so in a way this "challenge" turned into a blessing since I get to work on my teaching skills.  

I am so grateful that I've learned to listen to what my body needs throughout this process.  I've been able to learn how to eat more intuitively to fuel my body for my training and what I want it to be able to do.  I feel stronger than ever and more capable than ever to conquer any obstacle.  Adjusting my training week by week really helps keep me grounded in remembering my goals and where I want to be. 

Here's to another whirlwind of a week coming up full of new challenges and a trip home!  

Emily

It's all in your head

I'm the first one to say that I've got a pretty hard head.  I'm pretty stubborn enough that if I've convinced myself of something I can do it simply because my mind believes it.  It's a good and a bad thing but in most situations it's a very good thing.  With my drive and dedication along with my stubbornness I can do anything I set my mind to.  At least that's what I keep telling myself throughout this whole grad school process.

My fitness is no exception when it comes to this drive and dedication.  I know that eventually I will reach my goals even if it feels like I won't sometimes.  Transitioning into my half marathon training has been better than I could have ever imagined! Finishing PiYo felt good and I officially fit into my goal jeans size.  I thought that fitting into that size would feel differently.  I thought that I'd be completely satisfied and switch over to maintaining goals.  My half training is about performing and succeeding and fueling my body sufficiently to reach these goals.  I still feel like I have a lot to learn about the process but I know I'll get there.  My training plan consists of 2 short runs, 1 long run, 2-3 spin classes, weight training, and a rest day.  For my weight training I busted out my old P90X DVDs and Uncle Tony is making sure my shoulders, back, and arms think of him fondly the next day.

I recently finished a book about 80/20 running.  It's where you run/train 80% of the time at a more comfortable level.  They recommend a level where you can maintain an easy conversation.  Since I started instructing spin classes I figured that this wouldn't be too difficult since I talk and spin right? Wrong.  My time has slowed down by a full 2 minutes but I don't even care.  By slowing down the runs changed.  It might take me a little longer (ok ok a full two minutes per mile but whose counting?) but the feeling after is more fulfilling than my faster runs.  I've reached a point where running feels effortless and I actually enjoy it more than I ever have before.  I completed my first distance goal a full week earlier than scheduled because I set my mind to it and simply didn't give up.  I took advantage of my stubbornness and used it to my advantage.  I've heard that once you read 6-8 miles the runs get even easier so I cannot wait to reach that point!

Most of the time it's hard to convince myself that what I'm doing is actually working when it comes to transforming my body.  I won't say I don't get discouraged because that's a lie.  Sometimes I feel that negative self talk starting.  If I have an extra indulgence (ok let's be honest it's that spoonful of peanut butter where I know it's a bad idea going into it) I feel as though I haven't made any progress. Negative self talk comes out of nowhere and I feel like giving up for about 2 seconds. It's at that point where I'm grateful again for my stubbornness because I'm able to remind myself to just keep moving.  I couldn't imagine not living life the way I do now.  I enjoy the healthy food and my daily sweat session.  The sweatier the better and the post workout high is always worth every bit of hard work.  That post workout high giving me the strength is part of the reason my positive self talk is able to dominate over the negative.  Remembering that these are normal feelings helps me to kick those negative thoughts where the sun don't shine!

Do you best and forget the rest!