I've always been selective about the reality I accept. While I am perfectly aware of what is happening around me and can put on my big girl panties and deal when necessary, I selectively avoid topics and things I'd rather not deal with because I'd rather focus on the positives. Focusing on all that negative energy only makes me sad and I'd rather be happy any day.
Recently, my reality has had a way of creeping up on me and pushing me into a place where I can't focus. It's a place where I feel distracted from my goals and distracted from being the person I know I am. I hear that negative self talk more than I'd like to admit. Ever since the half I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. I'm waiting for the results I know are coming. I'm waiting for my hard work to pay off and waiting to finally be where I thought I should be. I'm tired of waiting for my two bruised toenails to fall off!
Today I reached the point where I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of waiting to not feel disappointed in my time. I'm tired of waiting to feel accomplished. I'm ready to take pride in what I've accomplished. I'm ready to turn those negatives that have been adding up into the positives that I know they are. I would say I'm tired of constantly finding that silver lining, but in reality I live for these silver linings!
Instead of thinking about what I'm considering a horrible time on the half, I'm going to be thankful I'm at a point in my fitness where I could let alone finish 13.1 miles and learn from it. Instead of thinking of all of the things my body isn't, I am incredibly thankful for how strong I feel not only physically but mentally. Instead of letting people's actions get the better of me and being disappointed whenever someone isn't who I thought they were, I'm going to enjoy people for what they are. Instead of mourning the chapter of my life that has come to a close, I will find a new renewal in this next chapter that is just beginning. I've been feeling an incredible loss over relationships that are changing. I need to be incredibly thankful for them since they've helped me reach where I am today. My mom always says that everyone is in your life for a reason or a season. Instead of thinking of all the things I can't do, I'm going to focus on all of the things I can do.
I'm a week and a half into Insanity:Max 30 (Expect another post about that at the end of the week!). While I'm loving it with every fiber of my being, I desperately miss lifting and running. There's something so freeing after a killer run or a really good heavy lift session. I want to be able to do it all without overtraining or injuring myself. I just want to be one giant muscle that can do anything. And especially do a few pull ups. That will most likely be my next goal after finishing this Max 30 madness. Luckily I don't have to miss spinning since I just do doubles on those days I teach ;). I'm still amazed that my body craves moving athletically. Part of me knew it was going to happen and part of me still can't believe it. I know I always say this crazy journey, but it's incredibly true. This crazy journey has led me to an incredible place and I know that another incredible place has got to be around the corner.
While I may be slowly creeping out of a funk, I still haven't stopped working as hard as I can and pushing myself to new limits. Here's to the hard work being worth it!
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Monday, January 19, 2015
Half Crazy= Check!
1
Alright it's a beautiful day and I'm loving this let's rock!
2
Wow already mile 2! feeling goo... uh oh I have to pee
3
Whew so much better! I shouldn't check my time... but ahh best 5k ever! Let's stay strong!
4
Woah how did I forgot we get to run around LSU!?! This is awesome!
5
Oh hello Tiger Stadium you look just as beautiful as ever! I should probably stop and take a selfie... wait I don't like selfies and I don't want to stop!
6
Alright mile 6 this still feels good! Let's keep rocking!
7
Today really is beautiful. I couldn't imagine anything else I'd rather be doing
8
Woah you're really rocking this Emily! I should probably check my time to see how... Ah one more hour until your goal time and 5 miles to go! You've rocked that out in less than an hour before. Here we geauxxx!
9
Alright back in the groove not so bad.. wait this is awful what was i thinking...
9.25
Wait where's my happy breathing...Ok distract yourself... (hears crash from behind)... oh goodness someone fell! I hope she's ok... she's got people helping her she's good....
9.5
This is miserable. Why did I think I like running again? Some motivation... anything....
9.75
Ugh I have to pee again
9.8
If I turn down that street my parents' house isn't that far... ow ow ow charley horse!!
9.9
I don't think this mile could get any worse. Wait! A bathroom!
10
So much better! Alright 3 miles! That's an easy short day! You can totally rock this out! Think of the brunch....
11
This still isn't over... There's more... I am never doing this again....
12
ow ow ow charley horse ow ow ow STOP you are not ruining this last mile!
12.5
Where did these hills come from... You've got to be kidding me...
13
I don't think that finish line is real...
.1
geaux geaux geaux geaux- oh yeah... this is why I love it... when's the next one?
There are so many things that they don't tell you about running a half marathon. There are so many things that you can't describe until you've experienced them first hand. I learned more about myself and life during this 13.1 mile trek than I think I've ever learned before in that same time span. The last 4 miles were the 4 hardest miles I've ever done. I felt as though everything was piling up against me and I lost my motivation. As the girl with endless motivation to conquer her crazy goals (I've got a really big 5 year one I can't wait to dive into), being on the course without any motivation for 10 minutes was 10 of the hardest minutes of my life. I had to really dig deep to find it and bust out the last few miles.
I'm doing my best to focus on the positives of this race. I ran my fastest 5k and 10k and set new PRs for both! I probably got overly excited at the beginning and should have slowed down so I had more gas in my tank. As still a relatively new runner setting the goal to run a half marathon and finishing it is an accomplishment and I can say I did that. My stubborn and ambitious side fought as hard as she could and I wouldn't trade that for anything.
I absolutely loved the sense of community before, during, and after the race. As you go along the course I loved seeing the random strangers cheering you on. No one judges you and everyone is helping give you just a little extra push to help you make it through. I made quite a few running friends who didn't know we were racing as we went. We played leap frog throughout the race and I loved feeling as if I wasn't alone
My family eagerly waited for me at the finish line. I never would have asked them to but knowing they were there (with a results and recovery/protein shake in hand) really helped me push through. I think my dad was more nervous than I was and he was more excited right after I finished (I still couldn't feel anything),
My stomach was a whole hot mess during this entire experience. All week I had been extra careful about carb loading and tapering my miles. Next time, I will approach this differently. I will maintain my regular eating habits and longer runs throughout the week to help maintain my groove. I felt off almost the entire race and I think that's because of excess fluff that the carbs brought with them. I also was thrown quite a surprise when my pre-race breakfast was changed at the last minute. During the race, I also got overly excited about the water/powerade hand outs every mile and a half. During my training runs I definitely didn't drink that much as I went and it made a huge difference. My stomach always felt calm while I trained and I want as close to that feeling as possible next time.
All throughout the day I've been plotting my next half marathon training schedule as I foam roll and massage my sore areas. I know what I want to include and I know what I should avoid. I know I can find the best training plan that works for me.
Even with all the mistakes and rough patches along the way, I am so excited to cross half marathon off my bucket list and move onto my next challenge!
Thursday, January 8, 2015
10 days out!
Back in September when I was at my Spinning Instructor training (still one of the greatest days ever), one of the friends I made was an avid runner. Even back then, I find myself asking anyone who has more running experience than I do for hints and tricks to help improve. With anything involving fitness I find myself wanting to be a sponge and soak up every bit of advice to help me constantly make changes and improve. Her biggest piece of advice (besides Roctane flavors that weren't worth my time) was to run 3 miles and then spin as part of my training. Tonight I finally had the opportunity to take her advice and man does it feel good! Tonight was also my first night back teaching and my class probably wishes I hadn't missed them so much. Throughout the major sweat session (my favorite kind- only way to stay warm when the temperature is in the 20s) I couldn't stop smiling because my heart was literally so happy to be doing what I was doing.
With my race being 10 days away I am a mix of emotions! I'm terribly nervous and anxious and excited all at the same time. I can't believe the day that I've been planning for since August is actually right around the corner. This entire training process started out smooth and beautiful before life decided to throw curveballs left and right. At the beginning my distance goals were easy and I could cruise them through. Through all the ups and downs I've always had this day in mind and I'm pretty sure I don't know how I'm going to sleep the night before the race! Knowing that I can tackle this even if I haven't had as many long runs as I'd like helps me remember to just enjoy the entire event. Work hard, play hard has always been my motto and I couldn't imagine a better way to live!
I feel so incredibly thankful and blessed every day to live a life where I have the opportunities not only to follow my dreams academically, but I've changed my health and reached the point where I am now. A year ago I struggled to run 3 miles. While I'm not perfect and I know I still have a long way to go, I am so incredibly excited to have the opportunity to run 13.1 miles and know that it's right within my reach!
With my race being 10 days away I am a mix of emotions! I'm terribly nervous and anxious and excited all at the same time. I can't believe the day that I've been planning for since August is actually right around the corner. This entire training process started out smooth and beautiful before life decided to throw curveballs left and right. At the beginning my distance goals were easy and I could cruise them through. Through all the ups and downs I've always had this day in mind and I'm pretty sure I don't know how I'm going to sleep the night before the race! Knowing that I can tackle this even if I haven't had as many long runs as I'd like helps me remember to just enjoy the entire event. Work hard, play hard has always been my motto and I couldn't imagine a better way to live!
I feel so incredibly thankful and blessed every day to live a life where I have the opportunities not only to follow my dreams academically, but I've changed my health and reached the point where I am now. A year ago I struggled to run 3 miles. While I'm not perfect and I know I still have a long way to go, I am so incredibly excited to have the opportunity to run 13.1 miles and know that it's right within my reach!
Friday, January 2, 2015
Perfectly Imperfect
I knew it was coming before I felt it. Another rainy day interfered with my run so I decided to bust out the old Plyometrics DVD from P90X instead of push myself on the treadmill. I felt the familiar sting in my calves and then thought, "Why did I just do to myself?" I knew it wouldn't last long and it would be fine and yet I was even more sore the next day. This same kind of pain happened about a month before when I subbed the Monday night spin class. That sting came on our last hill and I felt like my calf was about to explode. I immediately started scolding my calves on both occasions! My mind immediately jumped to STOP I NEED THOSE TO BE PERFECT!
After a few too many days of barely being able to not feel the sting in my calves (hello elliptical like crazy) I finally jumped back on my training schedule. To say I feel derailed from my initial goals is an understatement. I've had to adapt in so many ways I felt defeated as if I wouldn't make my goals. I started talking to one of my best friends about these feelings (who just signed up for her first ironman...She's super impressive) and she reminded me that there is no such thing as a perfect training season. She was a competitive runner all throughout high school and for a year in college. She reminded me that she is still training and learning new ways to push her body and conquer new goals. Hearing that she sometimes still struggled with her training schedule put things into perspective. Here is someone who has been a runner for well over a decade and here I am still relatively new to running. I was looking at this half as a one time only thing. I was trying to be a perfectionist and finish my first half without stopping to walk at all and have some incredible time. I stopped myself and thought who am I kidding! I have years of half marathons ahead of me. This one is conquering the 13.1 miles for the first time and enjoying it. I was striving for perfection and then being upset with myself when I wasn't reaching some crazy goals I had set for myself. This entire challenge is about being better than I was yesterday and I am going to savor every second of being perfectly imperfect.
So my friends, I've decided that I want to take you along with me during my half. I plan to have a certain someone with me at each mile or half mile (depending on how I narrow it down). More realistically it'll probably be a song on my playlist. If you have a favorite running song or just high energy awesome song send it my way and I'll think of you when it comes on!
Here's to embracing being perfectly imperfect and loving every minute :)
After a few too many days of barely being able to not feel the sting in my calves (hello elliptical like crazy) I finally jumped back on my training schedule. To say I feel derailed from my initial goals is an understatement. I've had to adapt in so many ways I felt defeated as if I wouldn't make my goals. I started talking to one of my best friends about these feelings (who just signed up for her first ironman...She's super impressive) and she reminded me that there is no such thing as a perfect training season. She was a competitive runner all throughout high school and for a year in college. She reminded me that she is still training and learning new ways to push her body and conquer new goals. Hearing that she sometimes still struggled with her training schedule put things into perspective. Here is someone who has been a runner for well over a decade and here I am still relatively new to running. I was looking at this half as a one time only thing. I was trying to be a perfectionist and finish my first half without stopping to walk at all and have some incredible time. I stopped myself and thought who am I kidding! I have years of half marathons ahead of me. This one is conquering the 13.1 miles for the first time and enjoying it. I was striving for perfection and then being upset with myself when I wasn't reaching some crazy goals I had set for myself. This entire challenge is about being better than I was yesterday and I am going to savor every second of being perfectly imperfect.
So my friends, I've decided that I want to take you along with me during my half. I plan to have a certain someone with me at each mile or half mile (depending on how I narrow it down). More realistically it'll probably be a song on my playlist. If you have a favorite running song or just high energy awesome song send it my way and I'll think of you when it comes on!
Here's to embracing being perfectly imperfect and loving every minute :)
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Grown Up Christmas List
Growing up, I was that child who always loved Christmas. Thanksgiving will always be my favorite holiday but Christmas is a close second. I love the decorations, the music, and gathering with my family to celebrate this special time of year. I would sneak down every morning before everyone else was up in my house and see what Santa brought. I was literally too excited to sleep (maybe one day I'll grow out of that but let's be real- probs not) because I couldn't wait for the magic of Christmas morning. As I grew older Santa got smarter and started wrapping the presents so I couldn't sneak downstairs to peak. I loved watching people open presents I got excited shopping for. As the years pass and I don't live 7 minutes away anymore, the answer to the question, "What do you want for Christmas?" has become really easy. I want time with my family and friends. I feel as though my time is limited whenever I'm home and I want to make the most of every second.
At my spin studio, we started a 25 days of Christmas challenge where my incredible boss emails us a daily challenge of something extra to do for the holidays. A few days ago our daily challenge was an email with this link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?
Here's to your happy holidays! I hope that you take the challenge to #givepresence.
At my spin studio, we started a 25 days of Christmas challenge where my incredible boss emails us a daily challenge of something extra to do for the holidays. A few days ago our daily challenge was an email with this link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?
Here's to your happy holidays! I hope that you take the challenge to #givepresence.
Monday, December 8, 2014
"Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all."
I grew up excessively watching movies over and over again. I was that kid who could watch the same movie literally every day (for at least 2-3 months) and never get sick of it. It all began with Beauty and the Beast. I can still quote lines and songs from it without dropping a beat. Other favorites throughout the years were The Parent Trap and Princess Diaries. The last one I excessively watched (besides Harry Potter because that has it's own category) was Pride and Prejudice. Younger me would love to put these quotes into AIM away messages (oh way back in the day) and see who could get my references. I always loved when one of my favorite characters accurately spoke the words I never could.
Fear can consume you. It can limit you to not do the amazing things you are more than capable of. Courage is fear's worst nightmare. Courage is knowing that something else is more important than that thing that scares you. I was raised to be courageous in all that I do and yet some fears still exist. My mom has always said fear means that you care about something. Fear is a scary word. That being said, 13.1 miles scares the living day lights out of me.
I don't like living in fear. I like living with the thrill of the possibilities of what's yet to come. I mean some fears I simply avoid at all costs and run from, but who doesn't? When I first outlined my training schedule that put that big scary 13.1 miles into perspective. Breaking down a fear into small reasonable goals is how I find myself solving problems. Big scary terrifying impossible take home exam of this semester for example? Broke that baby down into sections and puzzle pieces that somewhat came together (my brain is exhausted). Big scary situation where I was moving somewhere I didn't know anyone almost a year and a half ago? Broke that down by taking it day by day. Big scary fear of snakes? Yeah that one's not going anywhere. I used to live completely in the future and I'm beyond thankful now that I usually I can't see past the end of the week. While I know can plan for something months in advance I prefer to look at the world with the challenges directly in front of me so I can tackle them. Breaking down that scary and terrifying 13.1 miles into a reasonable training plan helped make it not seem scary and seem conquerable. After all I know I'm not the first and most certainly not the last crazy person to run 13.1 miles straight.
While I had my training in place, the hectic crazy schedule of finals week and the Thanksgiving holidays knocked my usual training routine. My cross training changed along with my eating habits. While I enjoy eating as clean as possible, I've eaten out more in the past 2 weeks than I think I did the entire semester. That combined with the stress and sticky situations that kept piling up over the past week, my training suffered. I tried to put mind over matter and block it out, but unfortunately all it resulted in was 2 weeks of awful runs and a growing fear of that 13.1 miles. The good news is my race is still about 6 weeks away and I spoiled myself with a little late birthday present (hello Garmin Forerunner 220 I've been eyeing since before I was ever really a runner!) to help give me a little extra motivation. I'm beyond ready to put the bad behind and focus on the task in front of me and take it week by week to show that 13.1 miles whose in charge!
Fear can consume you. It can limit you to not do the amazing things you are more than capable of. Courage is fear's worst nightmare. Courage is knowing that something else is more important than that thing that scares you. I was raised to be courageous in all that I do and yet some fears still exist. My mom has always said fear means that you care about something. Fear is a scary word. That being said, 13.1 miles scares the living day lights out of me.
I don't like living in fear. I like living with the thrill of the possibilities of what's yet to come. I mean some fears I simply avoid at all costs and run from, but who doesn't? When I first outlined my training schedule that put that big scary 13.1 miles into perspective. Breaking down a fear into small reasonable goals is how I find myself solving problems. Big scary terrifying impossible take home exam of this semester for example? Broke that baby down into sections and puzzle pieces that somewhat came together (my brain is exhausted). Big scary situation where I was moving somewhere I didn't know anyone almost a year and a half ago? Broke that down by taking it day by day. Big scary fear of snakes? Yeah that one's not going anywhere. I used to live completely in the future and I'm beyond thankful now that I usually I can't see past the end of the week. While I know can plan for something months in advance I prefer to look at the world with the challenges directly in front of me so I can tackle them. Breaking down that scary and terrifying 13.1 miles into a reasonable training plan helped make it not seem scary and seem conquerable. After all I know I'm not the first and most certainly not the last crazy person to run 13.1 miles straight.
While I had my training in place, the hectic crazy schedule of finals week and the Thanksgiving holidays knocked my usual training routine. My cross training changed along with my eating habits. While I enjoy eating as clean as possible, I've eaten out more in the past 2 weeks than I think I did the entire semester. That combined with the stress and sticky situations that kept piling up over the past week, my training suffered. I tried to put mind over matter and block it out, but unfortunately all it resulted in was 2 weeks of awful runs and a growing fear of that 13.1 miles. The good news is my race is still about 6 weeks away and I spoiled myself with a little late birthday present (hello Garmin Forerunner 220 I've been eyeing since before I was ever really a runner!) to help give me a little extra motivation. I'm beyond ready to put the bad behind and focus on the task in front of me and take it week by week to show that 13.1 miles whose in charge!
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Ready-Set-Focus
As I start my 25th finals week (why yes, I've been in school a really long time), focus is the most common word out of my mouth. It's during this grueling week where I always end up talking to myself and giving myself that self loving nudge to focus. Everytime I get distracted I literally stop and say, "Focus." Putting my game face on is always a challenge as I eagerly await what's coming next.
While I'm trying to focus on my exam material, I check how my fantasy teams are doing (Decker- I really needed you to pull through this week), I do some Facebook stalking, I avoid doing my laundry, I research new vacation spots, I decorate my Christmas tree, I make lists of all the things I can't wait to do once I'm not studying, and eventually buckle down and get to work. It's a pattern I've fallen into and I know the stages pretty well. My study week also has stages that involve the initial "I've got this attitude" that progresses into the stress/mental breakdown/crying/questioning my life choices/"I can't do this" and then moves into the "Let's eat everything in sight" stage before the final stage of "Let's just get in there and knock it out". This week is different because I've managed to skip the second step. My focus is not quite in the final stage and I was already eating everything in sight.
My finals week phases remind me of my training phases along this fitness journey. While some programs have pushed me more than others, I know each one has really helped me step up to the plate and push myself just a little bit further. Since I've been focusing on increasing my distance and improving my time (even though my main goal for this half is just to finish it- competitive me disagrees and wants an impressive time) I've been popping in old workout routines for cross training. I always love a good "Back and Bis" or "Shoulders and Arms" from P90X. As I up my weight and reps (each time making me feel extremely accomplished) I constantly stop and think how much stronger I am now then I was a year ago. The Emily from a year ago could not lift the amount of weight I can now. The Emily from a year ago could not hold a plank for 10 minutes. The Emily from a year ago would not ever have thought she could run a half marathon. While I've come so far since I started, I get so excited about all of the things I want to do. After my half I am especially excited to see what Shaun T cooked up with Insanity Max 30. I keep planning all of these exciting next steps when I really need to stop and focus on the task at hand. I've gotten to the point where I truly enjoy my runs because they allow me to dial in a focus on breathing. They allow me to stay centered on the task at hand.
Here's to focusing on one thing at a time!
While I'm trying to focus on my exam material, I check how my fantasy teams are doing (Decker- I really needed you to pull through this week), I do some Facebook stalking, I avoid doing my laundry, I research new vacation spots, I decorate my Christmas tree, I make lists of all the things I can't wait to do once I'm not studying, and eventually buckle down and get to work. It's a pattern I've fallen into and I know the stages pretty well. My study week also has stages that involve the initial "I've got this attitude" that progresses into the stress/mental breakdown/crying/questioning my life choices/"I can't do this" and then moves into the "Let's eat everything in sight" stage before the final stage of "Let's just get in there and knock it out". This week is different because I've managed to skip the second step. My focus is not quite in the final stage and I was already eating everything in sight.
My finals week phases remind me of my training phases along this fitness journey. While some programs have pushed me more than others, I know each one has really helped me step up to the plate and push myself just a little bit further. Since I've been focusing on increasing my distance and improving my time (even though my main goal for this half is just to finish it- competitive me disagrees and wants an impressive time) I've been popping in old workout routines for cross training. I always love a good "Back and Bis" or "Shoulders and Arms" from P90X. As I up my weight and reps (each time making me feel extremely accomplished) I constantly stop and think how much stronger I am now then I was a year ago. The Emily from a year ago could not lift the amount of weight I can now. The Emily from a year ago could not hold a plank for 10 minutes. The Emily from a year ago would not ever have thought she could run a half marathon. While I've come so far since I started, I get so excited about all of the things I want to do. After my half I am especially excited to see what Shaun T cooked up with Insanity Max 30. I keep planning all of these exciting next steps when I really need to stop and focus on the task at hand. I've gotten to the point where I truly enjoy my runs because they allow me to dial in a focus on breathing. They allow me to stay centered on the task at hand.
Here's to focusing on one thing at a time!
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