Tuesday, June 16, 2015


You know that scene from Mean Girls where they make all the girls stay after school and talk about their feelings?  Throughout April and part of May I felt like that girl who just said, "I just have a lot of feelings".  My feelings range from extremely happy and excited to terrified I'll mess something up to completely and totally exhausted.

Over a month ago (time has seriously flown by) I finished 21 day fix extreme (well abbreviated really like 18 day fix extreme).  My nutrition has never been that on point (or on fleek as the young kids are saying) as during those days.  I never strayed from the meal plan.  I adapted to eating on the go and meal prepping like a pro to make sure I never had an excuse.  I loved experimenting with carb cycling and seeing what my body was capable of.  I saw the beautiful beginnings of what will eventually be my abs.  I know they've been playing hide and seek for quite awhile but I still get excited every time they play peek a boo.  While this did mean some social sacrifices (I had a Shakeology before I watched my family eat Mother's Day brunch and then my meal whenever we got back home), I knew that since it was such a limited amount of time and I'm stubborn enough to do anything I set my mind to that I could handle it.  Overall my weight didn't change (reality check: I HATE stepping on a scale because that's not what's important to me anymore) but I did see a significant change in how my clothes fit and new muscles that started popping.

I celebrated those 18 days of hard work and discipline with a trip to Houston that included a mexican night (one of the best margaritas of my life), pizza, and watching my first Ironman.  Watching the Ironman athletes was an incredible experience that deserves it's own post one day.  It was truly a humbling experience to see what these athletes go through to compete at that level.  While I will never do an Ironman (ok maybe a half one day ;)), I respect the crap out of those athletes.

Following that weekend I attempted to dive right into macros as I was starting my summer internship.  I even hired someone I follow on instagram to "prescribe" me macros and help me through the process. (#teamkatiesfitscript)  While this was an excellent idea in theory, it has proven to be quite a challenge.  This summer I've had the challenge of balancing macros with living in a house with limited kitchen access (to say the least) and a city full of amazing restaurants that of course don't have their nutrition on MFP! With that in mind, macros are actually kind of fun.  Hear me out. Do I like tracking every single thing in My Fitness Pal and feeling a bit obsessive? No, absolutely not.  Do I hit those numbers every day? Absolutely not, but I come as close as I can.  But do I like the balanced feeling where if I want that extra spoon of peanut butter I can make it work? Absolutely.  Do I love the feeling of having froyo or ice cream if I plan for it is actually a reality? Absolutely.  While my macros are far from perfect, by being a bit obsessive for at least a few days a week I feel more balanced.  I don't feel that panic of, "We're going out to eat but I know they won't have anything in my diet."  Instead I plan more accordingly and guesstimate what I'll eat and make it work.  It's called flexible dieting for a reason. Is this an excuse to eat like crap? Absolutely not.  I'll take more salmon and broccoli please.

For the first few weeks I felt discouraged.  *cue the feelings that all started* I had days where I wasn't able to make it work and I felt like a slave to my iPhone.  I had feelings of doubt that I would ever find that balance to help me not feel like I'm missing out in group settings.  I like being known as the healthy girl (that reputation has followed me to this internship and they were shocked and teased me when I opted for the taco truck instead of my turkey wrap, apple, and greek yogurt- some things never change).  I had doubts that all my hard work in the gym (which has never been my problem) would ever show.  I was scared that my body would never be where I thought it should be.  I was restless with the fact that I changed my lifestyle almost two years ago and I don't feel like I am where I should be.  I was scared that I would have one oreo and any physical gains I had made would disappear.  I felt restless in that I didn't know what else to do.  This cycle lasted for about 3 weeks.

At some point over the past week I took a step back.  I looked in the mirror.  I could see a difference.  I felt tighter in the places I wanted to be.  I saw definition in my upper thighs that I've been working for for years.  I wasn't giving my body or myself enough credit.  I stopped being so hard on myself and felt my body relax.  While keeping an eye on my macros, I've been able to perform athletically and mentally.  I haven't been restricting myself in any social situation and the hard work is paying off.  Because I've been consistent with my workouts and my healthy choices, the results are still coming. The pros say so many people stop a diet after 2 weeks because they aren't seeing changes.  Did I think about quitting macros altogether? For a split second until I remembered that I paid to have someone help me through it.  I'm so glad I'm still pushing past the two and three week mark because this is where the magic happens.

Macros are essentially following Shaun T's 80% clean and 20% dirty eating rule.  "Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was your body." I was impatient to see the results that I desperately wanted.  I have to take a step back and remind myself that the girl who I was two years ago would have given anything to be where I am today.

Keep pushing, #fitfam! Remember that we all feel these feelings and that they make the feeling on the other side even more satisfying!

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