Wednesday, June 25, 2014

"Be happy with what you have while working for what you want." -Helen Keller

Accepting I'm human is one of my flaws.  I not so secretly hope to be flawless in everything that I do, but it's something I've been working on.  Trying to be a superhero while juggling family, friends, grad school, and workouts is a humbling experience where I quickly have had to learn that stretching myself too thin isn't good for anyone and leads to more trouble than it's worth.  I've always been the super booked and busy type of girl.  I do love staying busy and active but grad school has definitely taught me how to better manage my time to try and fit in the million and five things I have to do everyday.  My workouts have become the one part of my day where I don't feel limited because if I focus and give everything I can to the next 30 minutes to an hour I know I'll feel infinitely better and better be able to conquer the next obstacle.

In the past I've turned to sweets and treats whenever things get rough and I feel like I'm failing.  Feelings of failure are not something I accept because I know I can handle it even when I feel I can't. During finals last semester I told myself that the ice cream would help the stress.  It didn't.  I told myself that eating a cookie would make those long hours of studying not seem so bad.  Both of those things sure tasted delicious but the way I feel when I know I'm eating and treating my body right feels better.  Those sweet indulgences that I overindulged in became too much and I got into a slump.  It's a slump I feel has not only affected my fitness/weight loss journey but has a direct affect on my mood.  I know that I'm happiest when I'm eating right and balanced.  I know I can better focus on the difficulties school present whenever I'm in that same mindset.  I haven't been in that mindset and I found my mind playing that same old trick. "Come on Emily.  Just got get some mini Reese's and it won't seem as bad."  This time even though my willpower may be gone in some areas that voice was quickly shut down as I remember what I'm working so hard for.

I also struggle with accepting that this entire process is a journey.  Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was I.  Am I stronger than when I started? Yes! Have a made tremendous strides to better myself? Yes! Am I done yet? No! I know I'll never truly be done.  At this point I know I've lost 25 pounds and I am 15 pounds away from my "goal" weight. (I mean technically 14.8 ;))  I struggle with wanting to see results now because I've worked hard enough right? Wrong.  I know I've worked harder but nothing worth having comes easy and I still have to work harder.  Whenever I think about how far I've come I can't ever imagine going back to the person I used to be.  I couldn't imagine not doing something physical everyday or going back to eating the way I used to.  I know I'm on the right path but I know I struggle with finding the patience to know that the change is happening even if it's not as quickly as I would like.  I also struggle with patience in other areas of my life, but that's a horse of a different color.

I know that even though I'm not there yet, I am on the way and I have to keep enjoying the little things that make working so hard worth it.

Here's to pushing through and being patience for the results to come.


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