I've always been selective about the reality I accept. While I am perfectly aware of what is happening around me and can put on my big girl panties and deal when necessary, I selectively avoid topics and things I'd rather not deal with because I'd rather focus on the positives. Focusing on all that negative energy only makes me sad and I'd rather be happy any day.
Recently, my reality has had a way of creeping up on me and pushing me into a place where I can't focus. It's a place where I feel distracted from my goals and distracted from being the person I know I am. I hear that negative self talk more than I'd like to admit. Ever since the half I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. I'm waiting for the results I know are coming. I'm waiting for my hard work to pay off and waiting to finally be where I thought I should be. I'm tired of waiting for my two bruised toenails to fall off!
Today I reached the point where I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of waiting to not feel disappointed in my time. I'm tired of waiting to feel accomplished. I'm ready to take pride in what I've accomplished. I'm ready to turn those negatives that have been adding up into the positives that I know they are. I would say I'm tired of constantly finding that silver lining, but in reality I live for these silver linings!
Instead of thinking about what I'm considering a horrible time on the half, I'm going to be thankful I'm at a point in my fitness where I could let alone finish 13.1 miles and learn from it. Instead of thinking of all of the things my body isn't, I am incredibly thankful for how strong I feel not only physically but mentally. Instead of letting people's actions get the better of me and being disappointed whenever someone isn't who I thought they were, I'm going to enjoy people for what they are. Instead of mourning the chapter of my life that has come to a close, I will find a new renewal in this next chapter that is just beginning. I've been feeling an incredible loss over relationships that are changing. I need to be incredibly thankful for them since they've helped me reach where I am today. My mom always says that everyone is in your life for a reason or a season. Instead of thinking of all the things I can't do, I'm going to focus on all of the things I can do.
I'm a week and a half into Insanity:Max 30 (Expect another post about that at the end of the week!). While I'm loving it with every fiber of my being, I desperately miss lifting and running. There's something so freeing after a killer run or a really good heavy lift session. I want to be able to do it all without overtraining or injuring myself. I just want to be one giant muscle that can do anything. And especially do a few pull ups. That will most likely be my next goal after finishing this Max 30 madness. Luckily I don't have to miss spinning since I just do doubles on those days I teach ;). I'm still amazed that my body craves moving athletically. Part of me knew it was going to happen and part of me still can't believe it. I know I always say this crazy journey, but it's incredibly true. This crazy journey has led me to an incredible place and I know that another incredible place has got to be around the corner.
While I may be slowly creeping out of a funk, I still haven't stopped working as hard as I can and pushing myself to new limits. Here's to the hard work being worth it!